The view from my table at Bette was a quintessential Manhattan vista: To my left, Graydon Carter having lunch with Fran Lebowitz; to my right, Judith Regan screaming obscenities at her waiter, into her cellphone and at her dining companion; and right in front of me - Amy Sacco's scenic cleavage.
"Lily, your OnGossamer event was da bomb!" Amy enthuses, as I notice an OnGossamer mesh bra -- which were given away in the gift bags -- peeking out above the neckline of her slinky Rick Owens dress. "And I simply must have a pair of the mesh boyshorts!"
"Actually, Lulu is up at the DKNY showroom now and OnGossamer is near there," I tell Amy as I pull my cellphone out of my Lulu Guinness handbag. "I'll call her and tell her to stop by there." Amy smiles and returns to her table-hopping duties.
"Lu, it's me, I need you to make another stop while you're up there," I say as soon as Lu picks up her cellphone. "Can you also stop at the OnGossamer showroom and...." I'm interrupted by a stream of obscenities that would put Ms. Regan to shame. "Lu, I just need you to do these favors for me, ok? My entire staff is still in Las Vegas! Now, be a good little girl and I'll make sure there's an ice cold bottle of Dom Perignon waiting here for you." As I click off, Amy has returned to my table with a bohemian-looking gentlemen in his fifties.
"Lily, I'd like you to meet Jerry Torre - the Marble Faun."
"Oh my god, you were the young man who was in Grey Gardens!" I trill. "I was just reading about you this morning in The New Yorker! I loved the story about you dancing in a jockstrap on the bar at the Anvil!"
"Yes, and he took Jackie Kennedy there, couldn't you just die?" Amy says as she sheppards the Marble Faun into a seat at my table. "Why don't you two chat while I go check on Judith's steak tartare order...she sent it back three times because it wasn't raw enough."
"You were so marvelous in that film," I tell Jerry, before a brilliant PR idea dawns on me. "Do they need any underwear samples to give out at the cast party for the new Broadway musical version of Grey Gardens? I do PR for a top internet underwear retailer. What kind of underwear did Mrs. Beale wear? That could be our tie-in."
"She wore Olga as far as I know - at least that's what she said," Jerry says politely. "But Little Edie was the fashion plate - she wore tights with a large scarf wrapped around her waist as a skirt."
Before I can gush about how much I loved the loopy fashion statements in the film, Lulu comes bounding into Bette, loaded down with several shopping bags stuffed with Donna Karan and DKNY underwear. "Oh Lu, finally. I was beginning to worry about you."
"Sure you were. I had to make a pitstop at my favorite fabric store, Triumph of the Twill, and pick out some swatches for my fall line."
"Lu dear, shouldn't your fall line already be done? What are we going to show Suzy Menkes when she stops by my office next week?"
"My fall line would be done if you weren't sending me on Seventh Avenue panty raids like some kind of blackmarket bra mule, you self-absorbed harridan!"
"Lulu, how lovely to see you!" This was Amy Sacco. "Lily was telling me all about your woolly mammoth bags and I simply must have one! I'm going to the unveiling of the new Rem Koolhaus hotel in Siberia next month and it will be the perfect accessory!" Lulu regains her composure in the club queen's presence.
"Oh, you look so divoon in that Rick Owens dress!" Lulu purrs. Before she can continue her brown-nosing, the waiter brings over a bucket of ice and bottle of Dom Perignon. "Yay, lunch is here!" Lulu says, lighting up the room.
"Ok Lu, sit down and get a load off," I tell her. "Then it's back to the office so we can sort out these samples and get them ready for the show in China."
"Does the word 'intern' have any meaning for you?" Lulu tells me. "Craig's List is not only for finding tickets to Rolling Stone concerts and 'dates' for Friday nights, you know."
"Never you mind, we have a lot of work to do," I reprimand her. "Oh, and I forgot to tell you.....we're going to Shanghai for the underwear event!" Lulu reaches for the bottle of champagne and begins chug-a-lugging.
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