Diane Pernet and I flee Red China; Lily's lingerie riot eclipses Jared Paul Stern scandal; Wacoal bras and Zen gardens in Kyoto

"New York fashion publicist Lily Pad and handbag designer Lulu Guinness were taken into custody by Chinese authorities this past Sunday in Shanghai, after Pad's lingerie fashion show--which allegedly spoofed a Cultural Revolution ballet--sparked political controversy. "I love seeing a beautiful woman in lingerie just as much as the next man," Chinese President Hu Jintao said in an official statement. "But to show women in their underwear in public while also using them as a way to mock China's history is indefensible." The fashion show was interrupted by the People's Liberation Army, who invaded the show with tanks and armed soldiers, and Jintao has stated that Pad and Guinness will be sent to a prison camp for "re-education." Senator Hilary Clinton--whose autobiography was once censored by the Chinese government--invoked the specter of Tiananmen Square in a statement yesterday. "The Chinese government has again taken an aggressive stance against democracy and freedom of speech," the angry Clinton said. "If China wants to be taken seriously as a world power, they need to start respecting the rights of women lingerie models."

Diane Pernet is reading aloud an article from the New York Daily News website, as we relax on a patio overlooking a serene lake in Kyoto, Japan. "Wow, Lily has knocked Jared Paul Stern off the cover of the paper," Diane says. "I hope the United Nations steps in and demands Lily and Lulu's release."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about Lily," I say as I take a sip of green tea and gaze out upon the lake. "I'm sure within a week she'll be doing the camp's PR and her prison cell will be featured in the next issue of Elle Decor." A few hours after escaping the police raid, Diane and I hopped a plane to Japan because we were worried we would be brought in for questioning. After a few calls to the American Embassy in Shanghai ("we're doing everything we can"), I notified my editor at Swag about my locale change. "Maybe you can do a short sidebar on the police riot," my editor said. "But only if you can work in the names of some of our advertisers. Were any of the models wearing Calvin Klein underwear?" I lied and said yes, and was then assigned to do a feature on Wacoal lingerie, whose headquarters are based here in Kyoto. After we finish our tea, Diane and I set off for our meeting with Wacoal. "Maybe I can take some photos of the bra cup making machines for A Shaded View on Fashion," Diane enthuses.

"In 1952, Wacoal staged Japan's first lingerie fashion show", a smartly-dressed woman translator tells us as the CEO from the company speaks rapidly in Japanese. "And in 1979, we opened a factory in Shanghai, China, using Wacoal technology." As amusing visions of Lily and Lulu standing in front of a conveyor belt filled with Wacoal bras--ala Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz working at a chocolate factory--fill my head, Diane and I are ushered into a theater to view some recent commercials for Wacoal bras that were produced for the Asian market.

Diane and I especially loved this Nami Nami Nami Wacoal bras commerical:

Later that evening, Diane and I went out for rice wine and Shabu Shabu and strolled through downtown Kyoto, forgetting for a moment the world of wayward fashion publicists and gossip columnists.....

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